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I haven't even sat down and unpacked my briefcase, and you're already telling me useless news and traffic tidbits, asking me about the weather at my house, and being your generally annoying self. Would you kindly give me some damn breathing room? Also, stop putting literature on my desk that you "Thought I might be interested in." Finally, stop barging into my cubicle and looking out my window to see what's going on down the street. There is an empty cubicle right next me!
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For God's sake eat your stinky ass eggs in the kitchen, you disgusting slob.
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SHUT UP!!! The old guy that continues to talk and talk and talk, just for the sake of hearing himself talk. Just today, you have used the same damn joke you use every day at least three times. You keep rambling on to anyone you can find about nothing, and even struck up a conversation with me while I was at the urinal! Your oral aggression is over the top and out of line and needs to stop. Oh, by the way...SHUT UP!!!
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Hey, jackass - do you really need a 5Mb email signature? A one line message shouldn't overflow my mailbox. Everything you send doesn't need to be accompanied by music and a dancing picture of your grandmother's dead cat. Oh, and if it's available on the intranet, WHY are you sending it to me? Especially as an attachment with a huge graphic header? People like you should have to go back to paper.
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Scream across the room one more time, I dare you. And finally...this is part 2...you can work from home. You don't hesitate to do so when you WANT to, so must you play Typhoid Jerkface and come in here snotting all over the place when you're sick? At least cover your mouth. You make me want to wash with Lysol.
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Stop bathing in cologne that smells like hot roadkill. You come in at NOON and you live 5 minutes from work. MUST you start eating as soon as you get here? You chew like an infant. I've never heard anyone crunch soup before, but my god...you make my ears ring. And no one needs 4 bags of popcorn a day. Spit out the gum before I knock it out of your mouth. Try picking up your feet when you walk, what are you, 4????
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Stop reaching for my food with your grubby, filthy hands you fat slob of a loser IT geek!!! I have constantly told you to keep off my food but I guess it must be tough to get it through a numbskull like you. I did not offer you any of my food so stop trying to grab it. You don't need to add any more food to your big mouth, you pig.
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Hey gastroboy!!! Your constant belching is disgusting and annoying. It amazes me that you do not feel embarassed by your nasty habit even when you do it in front of your co-workers. Its not just your belches that bother me, its the snide remarks that you make. I know that you're trying hard to sound smart but we know better. Sometimes I feel like throwing a glass of cold water in your face everytime you let one out.
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Coworker - Can you please more accurately document the hours you work? I find it hard to believe you regularly invest eighty hours a week to produce nothing. I'm fairly confident we could all complain about how much work we have to do. Your perception of your documented hours or your work situation may be skewed by how far your head is up our manager's ass. I am wondering why you find it necessary to always gossip to the boss and not people directly. I forgot, we are not all saints like you.
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You do NOT have to start every single sentence to me FYI. Isn't saying FYI first and then telling me what you have to say kind of defeating the purpose of saying FYI?! Also, when you say "Quick question" and then ramble on for 15 minutes without even a question to ask is ridiculous. Stop talking to me.
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